She didn't hold on
by Azarathmondler
Summary: What if Maggie and Kara were too late to save Alex when she was in the water tank?


**I dedicate this to Bruna and Gabe who gave me the ideia for this fic (although I'm kinda late to deliver it).**

 **Thank you to all my fav squads in the world (Catco, Haters de agente canarinho and Floribellas), I love you guys.**

 **If you're annoyed at the CW and at the writers because of the latest events, don't forget to leave you insatisfaction and complains using the hashtag #SGWritersExposed on Twitter (and tumblr if you want)**

 **Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated**

 **Disclaimer: If I did own Supergirl or its characters, Sanvers and Reigncorp would be endgame**

 **You can also find me on AO3 (user: azarath_mondler) and on Twitter ( sanverstans - for now - or in azarath_mondler)**

 **I hope you enjoy this and please try not crying (again - I really need to start writing happy fanfics)**

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As soon as Maggie reached the place her girlfriend was being held captive, a chill ran down the detective's spine and she knew taht something was wrong. Suddenly everything started to move in slow motion. Maggie felt the gush of wind in her face as Kara flew over to the tank, she felt the water reaching her feet, she felt herself run over to Alex and gather her in her arms, she felt her girlfriend's cold and wet skin against her hands. What she didn't feel was Alex's heart beating.

Maggie remembered all the mandatory first aid training she had since she became a cop and quickly proceeded to CPR, pushing a desperate Kara aside. The superhero sat in shock beside her sister's lifeless body, watching the detective trying to resuscitate the DEO agent.

"Come on, Alex. Don't give up just yet. Remember what I said, you still have so much to live. With me and with your sister, so, please, don't leave us." Maggie said while pressing Alex's chest. The DEO team entered the room, but she almost didn't see them. All she could focus on was trying to bring her girlfriend back.

The longer she kept doing the CPR with no sign of improvement, the more the detective got nervous and the less correctly she was able to perform it. After ten minutes, Maggie felt her hand starting to hurt and her lungs felt like fire, but she didn't stop. "Alex, babe, listen to me. You have to fight this. You are the strongest woman I've ever met and I know that you can survive this. Please, Alex. Don't leave me." Maggie pleaded, never stopping her ministrations.

After fifteen minutes, Maggie was exhausted, but she still kept going. She saw out of the corner of her eyes Kara getting out of her shocked state and moving to hold her sister's hand. "Alex, I need you. You are my strength. Please, just... just come back." The hero whispered, her voice breaking with sobs.

After twenty minutes, the detective started to lose hope, but that didn't stop her. She heard J'onn's voice near her, trying to calm Kara down, but his own voice was filled with sadness. He put his hand on Maggie's shoulder. "Detective, stop. It's not going to work. She's already..." before he could finish, Maggie screamed "NO! I'm not going to stop until she's breathing again." And so she kept going.

After thirty-five minutes, she knew it was useless to keep trying. She knew that Alex's was too far gone and nothing would change that. Maggie finally gave up, removing her hands from her girlfriend's chest, replacing them with her forehead.

She felt two strong male hands try to get her away from her girlfriend's body, but she fought back, even though it was useless against J'onn's inhuman strength. "Leave her be, J'onn" she heard Kara say, finally standing up and tugging Maggie's hand, freeing her from the martian's grip. "Okay, Supergirl." He said to the blonde, then turned around and yelled to all the agents that stood in the room. "Everybody out, now!"

As soon as everybody cleared the room, Maggie fell on her knees beside Alex. She kissed her hand as Kara went around and knelt on the other side of the agent's body. J'onn joined the hero on the left side and put a comforting hand on the kryptonian's shoulder.

After minutes of grieving silence, Maggie was the one to speak first. "I am so, so sorry, Kara. I should have done more, I should have been perfect. I tried, but..." the words got stuck in the detective's mouth. _'I just wasn't enough'_ she thought to herself.

"Maggie, I have superpowers! If anyone failed, then it was me. I save people every freaking day, but I wasn't capable of saving my own sister? What kind of superhero am I?" Kara said, her voice loud and dripping with anger and pain.

"You two stop!" J'onn interrupted the grieving women. "No one is to blame. We all did our best, but it just wasn't enough this time." He extended his free hand to grip Maggie's arm. "I am sorry we all lost someone so important in our lives, but we can't go around blaming ourselves and shutting everyone else our. We are stronger together."

And so they sat there, together, grieving and hoping that a miracle happened and Alex returned to them. But she didn't. After many minutes there, J'onn asked the girls to leave so they could get Alex's body to the DEO as soon as possible. Maggie left one last kiss on her girlfriend's lips before she let J'onn take her and Kara away from the body. As she walked out of the room, Maggie felt Kara hold her for support as they walked together, but all the detective could think was how cold her girlfriend's lips felt, in opposition to the warmth that she always used to bring inside Maggie.

 **One week later**

Maggie stood in front of the gravestone that read ' _In the loving memory of Alex Danvers'_ and below that, the quote _'Death is but a next great adventure'_. "Such a nerd, Danvers." Maggie laughed to herself as she put down a bouquet in front of the stone.

"Hey, Alex. I know it hasn't been long since you died, but for me it feels like eternity. I miss you so much and I don't think I'll ever stop missing you." Maggie started to say at the tombstone, believing that somehow Alex was there listening to her.

"You know, what? I've been through so much pain in my life. I've suffered homophobia, I've been kicked out when I was 14, I have been betrayed and had my heart broken many times. I've been shot, kicked, punched and once I even got beaten up by a colleague because I'm gay. But none of these things compare to what I'm feeling right now. If I had to, I'd suffer it all again just so I could hold you hand one more time, babe. Just to hear your voice one more time, you talking about space and stars while we sit on your couch drinking wine after a long day at work." She took a deep breath before she continued. "Work will be much boring without you appearing randomly in my crime scenes and without you by my side while we fight a new alien. By the way, you gun is mine now and I promise that I'll take care of it because it is all I have left of you. The gun and the pain." Maggie felt her knees getting weak, but she still stood there, facing the stone, not ready to say goodbye just yet.

"I also have the memories we've shared. All of our firsts. The first song we danced to, the first night we spent together talking, our first time, our first kiss in the bar, the first time we saw a dog on the street, remember how happy and cute you were petting that golden retriever in the middle of the sidewalk? The first time you made me feel safe, the first time you made me feel loved and important, the first time you introduced me to someone as your girlfriend, you couldn't keep that happy smile off you face and you kept telling everyone in the bar over and over again that I was indeed you girlfriend." Maggie laughed at the memories before the smile dropped out of her face as she remembered that she'd never live them again

"There are also the firsts we will never have together. Our first trip, our first stargazing picnic, I was actually planning one of those for our next anniversary, but I guess I'll have to take Kara with me instead. No romantic stuff, I promise, just some good old bonding over our shared grief." She finally proceeded to kneel in front of the grave, reaching with her hands to touch Alex's name with her fingertips.

"We'll never get to see all of those movies we've planned to see together or finish all the TV shows we wanted. We didn't even get to choose a song for us, although I know you'd pick One Week just because you think you can do the rap part and you like to show off." Maggie tightened her grip on the grave, her knuckles turning white.

"And, above all, we'll never get to say our first 'I love you'. I know you loved me, Alex, because even though you never said it, you constantly proved you love to me with you words and actions. I can only hope I made myself as clear as you did, because I feel the same." And for the first time since she arrived in the room where Alex was in the tank, Maggie cried. Not even a single tear had left her eyes since Alex died, but as she confessed her love to the woman she knew would never hear it, she let all the tears she had been keeping inside since then fall down.

She sat there crying beside her lover's rest place until she lost track of time. She finally stopped when she felt like there was no more tears inside of her to escape. Maggie took a shaky breath as she stood, her fingerprints touching the name on the grave one last time. "I love you, Alex Danvers. Forever" and then she turned around, heading to the exit and into a life she wasn't ready to live in, a life without Alex Danvers.

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 **Thanks for reading :D**


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